Welcome 2019: Feeding the Sheep

As we welcome 2019 and close out 2018, it was nice to reflect on the goodness of God, life, friends, family, and the many encounters that have taken place over the last year. In the same moment of feeling blessed and overwhelmed with love and support from our families, our friends and our team of benefactors, I was reminded of how wounded, broken and lost I am without Christ as my focus and singleness of purpose.

We experienced a lot of joy this Advent with friends and family blessed by many wonderful conversations and visits. It was beautiful to witness the Holy Spirit moving in the lives of so many, praise you Jesus! Our faith continues to be enriched by our vibrant community of Christ-centered loved ones. Among the midst of many great moments, a few encounters contributed to added prayer with sleep disturbed nights, eventually prompting this post; I now better understand why Jesus recklessly leaves the 99 to find the 1.

In these few encounters, I recognized a few signs of fear, despair, anger and bitterness; all feelings that I have often felt when confused in my identity or misunderstanding God’s love. I reflected deeper on the plank in my own eye, evaluating the obstacles that hinder my understanding of God’s unconditional love, which can then minimize joy. 

I recalled the moments of my life when I think the most about myself, my desires, my goals and the lifestyle I want to live. This major plank revealed the narcissistic me god, showing my lack of trust in the God that created me. My self reliance and lack of trust in God’s plan ultimately stems from a fear of change, knowing that His living word and teachings can radically transform my life. Instead of surrendering to Jesus, the hope to change His teachings into my likings lingers on into a life lacking true joy, blocking HIS heart filling, warm, deep love.

Another obstacle that minimizes joy is the dominating thoughts of money, wealth, comfort, sport, career progression, prestige. None of these items are bad until they dominate my thoughts becoming false gods. These false gods then provide a quick high, with false identity of importance and success. The pleasure is always a short lived high that thirsts for more, faster, bigger, better fixes which eventually leaves me feeling empty. I create a lie that others will love me more if I become more worthy, more successful, more important, etc. My efforts and worldly desire to create success is really a distraction from the fervent seeking of HIS true unending, unconditional, no matter what love! Today the transformation of knowing and believing God the Father’s LOVE continues to progress from my head to my heart. Each encounter experienced through the Holy Spirit strengthens what is true and real in a more profound way.  At times, I find myself becoming self righteous which again blocks a joyful life, which leads back to a rut seeking to self medicate in a sea of stuff and busyness to numb the pain. Again, I surrender calling out to the Lord for help as He gently reaches out, takes my hand, healing my wounds with HIS compassionate, sincere love.

These life experiences of silent, hidden despair have increased my awareness of this subconscious death spiral. I realized others like me who are wounded and broken can also confuse pleasure for joy when desperately thirsting for the Father’s unconditional love. I asked the Lord how I can help heal others that are broken like me. The answer I heard was: “feed my sheep” (John 21:17), share my love. His answer as usual is simple, yet not easy.

In effort to “feed the sheep” (John 21:17), I offer my struggles with hope to bring light and awareness in case you or a loved one are in a spiral of despair. I confidently testify to the words Jesus spoke “take courage and fear not, I am with you” (Mark 6:50).  He awaits our consent to trust and accept His unconditional love. The more we pray and reflect on God’s love, the more it moves from knowledge in our head to what is true and real in our hearts, filling us with joy and peace. The joy and peace encourages us to wade deeper into His love, enabling us to give more of our love and our control to HIM. Each step helps remove the distractions of our sins, offering full communion with HIM and in HIM.  This progression transforms us as we fully realize and accept our true identity as unique, special, loved sons and daughters of God. We can love God because He first loved us(1 John 4:19). He loves us with our broken imperfections, in this exact moment exactly where we are!

In 2019, “proclaim a year acceptable to the Lord”: feed His sheep, sharing His love each day. “If we love one another God remains in us, and His love is brought to perfection in us” (1 John 4: 12). As Christians, we can be a safe person with a non-judgmental, empathetic, listening ear, nurturing real conversation. We can offer acceptance to the angry or confused, wounded person in front of us, loving and accepting who they are as a child of God. We can seek to empathize with their struggles and seek to find and affirm their great God-given gifts.

To a blessed 2019 in HIM with much LOVE!

Jeremy